wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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