You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
