I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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