No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
