So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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