Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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