Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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