Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
