Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
