i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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