i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
