Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
