Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
