a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
