I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
True strength comes from lack of pants
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
