can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
