I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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