seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
