She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
