I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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