Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
