my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I supernannyed him into submission
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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