VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
