he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
