a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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