His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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