Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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