i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
