She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
