I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
