Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
