I want you more than these girls want KFC
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
