I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
