I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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