I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
