If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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