Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
