there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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