i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
