You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
