i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
