Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
