she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
