I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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