i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
