Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
