OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
