how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
