my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
