shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
