Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
