I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You left your phone here
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