His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
